YOU SHALL NOT CUM!!! Mental blocks of mine and how I fixed them!


When starting my journey on having sex with other girls outside of my marriage, I was super excited to have opportunities at 41 to be balls deep in young 20 something year old girls…but I also thought that it was going to be a little nerve wracking for me.  Even in my past, every girl that I ever got with for the first time, I’d get some sort of performance anxiety that would leave my cock limp on the battlefield of pussy slaying!  


I want to be as a rock during an initial sex session with a new girl, blowing a girls mind away.  I began to rely on cialis soft tabs, when you could order those online through some Indian pharmacy, and then get those fucking calls every week asking if you’re interested in getting a special discount on 90 pills….I’d have to tell these damn telemarketers if I took that much that I’d be dead!  I joked with one guy that I blew off my dick and that he didn’t have to call anymore to offer me the sales.  He LITERALLY FUCKING LAUGHED AT ME and said “haha sir that’s very funny, I don’t believe you, why don’t you take this fantastic offer for 75% off the regular price for a 90 day supply sir!”  Think of the laughing Indian guy who was the village leader from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, yeah that sort of fucking laugh.  It was truly priceless.

But sir, why you no want this special on Viagra sir?

Back from the tangent of cock pills!  6 weeks of activity in, I have had 2 girls total, one was a one time thing, wasn’t a repeater scenario unfortunately.  The other girl….my hot little Latina, whom I have regular sex with every week for hours on end, and on our overnighters at the place, she wakes me up every few hours with her mouth and then rides me, and whose pussy is so damn tight it feels like a vice grip around my cock…holy shitballs!  

In the copious amounts of outside the marriage sex, I have literally cummed 0 times…yes guys 0 fucking times.  Meanwhile I fuck the wife at least twice a week and I blow my usual Peter North style loads in her pussy or all over her body or right in her mouth (still training her to this day to keep her mouth fully on my dick…it’s a process fellas…she takes small sips of water when she drinks, so a megaload is a toughie).

So why the fuck is it that I cannot blow a load with cute young tight girls, but I can easily blow a load with the wife?  My Latina begs for my cum inside of her mouth and her pussy, and wants it so bad, and does such a wonderful job fucking me to deserve it, where the wife will also beg for it in her pussy, but detests it in her mouth…one of my favorite of holes to explode into.  Why the fuck is my body not allowing me to give the gift of my liquid essence to the Latina, who seems to be the more cum desiring recipient?  There must be something going on in my head that is limiting me here, cause nothing was making sense to me at this point.  The good thing is that I had someone in mind to talk to about this issue.

Enter Jonathan Hyde, my hypnotherapist I have been seeing here and there since 2015.  I’ve always wondered how hypnotherapy worked, and at one moment in my trading career, I was having issues overtrading, taking way too many trades without defining risk, and was getting nowhere on my profit growth.  I needed to see if someone could help, and at that moment I didn’t have $7,500 to spend on Dr. Andrew Menaker’s trading psychology program.  I set up an appointment with Jonathan and he came to my office for the very first appointment.  He did a handwriting analysis as well as a barrage of questions to determine how optimistic or pessimistic I was, as well as if I was to be open to direct or indirect suggestion.  He also talked about what hypnosis was not…that if he somehow tried to hypnotize me to cluck like a chicken, that I would question it in my mind and not go along with such programming.  The programming that I seek out to benefit must align with what I desire for myself.  So he did his thing as I lay back in his comfy lawnchair be brought, got me into a hypnotic state which was just an uber relaxing feeling, and then proceeded to penetrate the enigma that was me!  

“Try to penetrate the enigma that is me!”


Fast forward a week later after the session, and my trades were vastly different.  I noticed I wasn’t taking stupid forced trades with less than optimal setups, and I was being much more patient for the setups that yielded the best reward to risk scenarios.  I was back along track, and I had him to thank for it.  To this day, I usually do a routine appointment with him about every 6 months just to make sure my mind is wired for optimization.

Now if Jonathan was able to help me with psychological trading issues, he would surely be able to help me with my sexual hangups!  After all, he did mention to me that one of his favorite areas to help people was the sexual realm.  I reached out to him over text and described the situation at hand.  He replied that he knew exactly what was wrong, and we scheduled a time to do our online meeting via Google Meets.  The session planned is for 1.5 hours, which mostly consists of talking over the problem along with a description of what’s going on in the subconscious mind, as well as talking over a solution that will then be implemented as he lowers the barrier between my conscious and subconscious mind.  The actual hypnosis lasts about 15-20 minutes, from relaxation to delivering the message into my mind and then to bring me back into a normal state.  

The first item we talked about is that my wife has been my ejaculatory trigger for so long.  Jonathan asked if I watched a lot of porn and jerked off to other girls.  I told him maybe a long time ago but not now, and that if I was going to blow loads it’s on or in a girl, and not to some pornhub vid.  This was the very first item he’d address with me and come up with a solution to embed in my subconscious mind.

The second item we talked about was that although the wife and I have this wonderful open marriage agreement where we both go outside the marriage and enjoy our sexual escapades, on a subconscious level there might still be feelings of guilt about cheating…even though consciously we have agreed that it is not cheating!  Those feelings could lead to me not being able to reach orgasm with another girl, no matter how pleasurable the sex is.  Now I asked him if this was possible on her end as well, but his answer here was that women cum much differently than men.  Fair enough I thought to myself, and I didn’t really care, I was just curious if a female could have the same hangups that a man could have.

Those long term wired thoughts that have embedded in the subconscious mind have shown how powerful the mind is, and that we are our own worst enemy at times.  But not all hope is lost!  As Jonathan mentioned, you determine your own reality and if you want to believe that this can be reversed and not affect you anymore, then it can be done.  

A third thing that I also addressed with Jonathan was some shit from way long ago, an issue with penis size.  I mentioned that much early on in my sexual experiences starting back in high school, I had a few partners that made some rather hurtful comments about my size.  What sucks is that those few first experiences molded my self view of what I had to offer sexually to women.  I look back at it and did get a positive takeaway from it, cause I learned to master pussy eating like a champ.  To this day girls wonder what the fuck I do down there and after they cum they are blown away in amazement.

There may have been a recent confounding variable here as well that may have bothered me about my size, the wife passing out two kids out of her vagina…before that sex was really awesome with my cock.  Her moans and sensitivity were at excellent levels.  Now…unless I constantly remind her to do her kegels (I literally just look at her and say “kegels” and she says “yessir, will do them now!”), slipping my cock into her vagina is sort of equivalent to fucking a warm loose sleeve of pudding, sounds horrible right guys?  Well it is!  And her noises…soft little ones as she plays with her clit upon reaching orgasm, nothing like from the pre-kid era.  I did let the wife know about the pudding comment long ago, and she does stick to a regimen of using her ben wa balls to get that tightness back.  It’s a long road ahead but someone has to light the fire!

I’m sure most of my readers are wondering “Oh c’mon Lord Connery, you’re 6’3” you probably have some Mastodon sized cock…you’re fine bro!”  Hardly the case of course but if anyone was curious about my size, just to see if some readers may have had a similar experience with horrible judgy women, well if any of you readers have been to In N Out and order multiple patties and cheese on a burger, well I’d be known as a 6 by 6.  Yup, 6 inches long, bone pressed erect length, and 6 inches of girth midshaft and at the base.  Statistically speaking, I’m longer than average, and my girth is definitely much higher than average (some stats put me in the 99%, cool!).  But I didn’t have access to stats at this time, and I just believed the words of these gaping cavernous vagina girls that said I wasn’t Lexington Steele status.

Love stats and tables like this, but also irrelevant to most. Just the math nerd in me!


I will admit the size thing has always been in the back of my mind, even just a little bit to cause me to wonder…but then came my hot little Latina.  Petite little body and an extremely tight vagina…oh was I in for a surprise when I first revealed my cock to her.  “Holy shit you have a big cock.”  “I can feel your cock rearrange my guts…in a good way.”  “God damn…look at that cock of yours.”  Yeah, it’s words like these that come out of her mouth that make me drop to my knees to thank the Gods I was born a man.  I will definitely say that even before the hypnosis session, her words of admiration were healing to my mind.  What better way to reward such a kind soul than to give her copious amounts of the cock she adores.

If you caught the Naked Gun reference, pat yourself on the back!


Ok, back to the hypnosis!  Jonathan did tell me that in order for the hypnosis to stick, especially the second item that he wanted to address which was the subconscious cheating that needed to be undone, that it would be recommended to get my wife on the call during the session.  At that time she was at work and he mentioned that we could do it another time, just a quick 10-15 minute call to seal the deal.  I asked why it was so important, and he said that in order for the hypnosis to have a much deeper effect, it would be great to explain to your wife what we’re trying to accomplish, and that she gives you full permission to cum with another girl.  If you hear that from her without having her feel manipulated to say it, that she says it out of her free will and love for you, then the message will embed in a much more potent fashion.

For a moment there, I was also apprehensive about this…cause what if the wife just changed her mind and yelled like Gandalf at the bridge of Khazad Dum, YOU SHALL NOT CUM!  Not even the Balrog of fucking Morgoth could save me from that sort of scenario.  This fear was all in my head though cause when I let the wife know of my hypnosis session and what was being asked of her, she literally put both hands on my face, looked me directly in my eyes and said “baby, nothing would please me more than having you blow your massive load into another girl, you have my full permission babe, I want you to be happy and I want you to find your release with whoever you sex up.”  God damn I love this woman.  Can most guys say that their wife would do the same for them?

I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn. Go back to the Shadow!


Going back to the hypnosis session, Jonathan did his usual Jedi trance technique where he got me all relaxed and open to suggestion.  He addressed all three items we went on over, brought me out of the hypnotic trance, and then we went on to talk about some other fun topics, such as service to others versus service to self, taking from someone’s glass or giving too much of your own, and some cool stuff on spirituality.  He lastly mentioned that this issue might not resolve itself with just one session, and to not despair if it doesn’t for this is a deeply embedded issue to unwind.  We ended the session and I was ready to see if the programming stuck this first time around!

Time to get into zee mind!


Saturday comes, it’s my and I pop my Cialis 20mg, feeling really good about filling my hot Latina’s mouth and pussy with an overabundance of my cum.  We have the entire day starting from 2pm to sex it up.  We popped on Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers just to get some screen time in (we have a mission to finish the extended editions of the trilogy).  From that time onto the morning we are constantly having sex on and off.  We’ll fuck for a little while, I’ll make her cum, I’ll throw her around in all sorts of positions, and the vice grip power of her vagina squeezes my boner to half power…and this girl hops off and sucks it to full hardness and then gets me back into the pounding game.  

Her on top is my weakest position, and there were some points where I would feel the head of my dick get that nice sensitive tickle as if I were getting close to cumming, especially when she’d grind deep and I’d hit her cervix.  I’d get close, but the feeling of cumming would go away.  I didn’t let it get to me and just enjoyed our sex sessions.  To this point I’ve never gotten blue balls at all with the Latina.  I think we eventually passed out by midnight, and she’s a light sleeper so I was awoken twice in the middle of the night to her sucking my dick and then riding me, and then sucking and riding and sucking and riding…holy fucking shit she has an unimaginable sex drive and I absolutely love it.  My dick and balls feel sore after a marathon sex session of course, but only cause I’m putting my body through the Spartan Sex Race!

The morning after, we wake and shower together, and I get the place packed up and we head our separate ways.  I get home to find that my wife has to be at work in the afternoon and will be staying for 3 days due to this fucking polar vortex shit striking Texas.  The White Walkers were planning on coming down this far just to fuck some shit up!  Well the wife wanted to make sure my dick was empty before leaving for a few days, so what did she do…she just had me lay back on the bed and she sucked me off…and despite all the wear and tear from the night before, all the soreness I felt in my dick from pummeling the Latina’s sweet tight pussy…I had amazing sensitivity to my wife’s mouth and she made me literally cum in 5 minutes.  Oh and she put my cock head to the side of her cheek so she was able to take a good amount of my squirting ropes into her mouth, what a fucking champ!

As I lay there post orgasm, while the wife lets the cum drip from her mouth onto my dick and then into a hand towel, as much as I was relieved to enjoy a release…my mind just screamed “What the fuck!”  I thought to myself why couldn’t I shoot that easily into my Latina’s mouth?  And I know, some readers, especially friends of mine who have wives who won’t even suck a cock, well you guys are likely outraged how I want more when you get so little.  Sorry friends who read this and have frigid non-dick-sucking wives, I just hold higher sexual standards in my life and you should too!

Later on that night when the wife was gone and the kids were in bed, I busted out my computer and brought up the Nest camera footage, as well as my cell phone.  I had a video of the Latina giving me a wonderful blowjob while LOTR was paused, and Frodo was on the screen looking very distraught.  I watched the small vid of her blowing me and I decided to try and jerk it to the vid and see if I could get anything going.  Nothing was escalating although it felt great.  And then I get on the Nest camera footage and go back to a date where my wife and I were fucking at the play apartment.  I found a clip where I was just pounding her doggystyle while she was grabbing the bedsheets and pushing her ass into my hips.  Within a few minutes of stroking my dick to the vid, I was able to get close and actually blow a load.

Mister Frodo?


Fuck…it looks like I still have some work to do with Jonathan.

I gave Jonathan a call on Monday and reported to him what went on over the weekend.  He had an idea, which I thought was absolutely fucking crazy at first.  He mentioned that since I can get triggered to cum while watching the wife in a video, that I should see if my Latina will be fine with me watching the video of my wife….while fucking her at the same time.  I would then be able to tie in the association of cumming while fucking the Latina.

Yeah if you thought that was absolutely insane, I’m right there with you.  I asked Jonathan if that was something that she could even be down with.  And of course, Jonathan already answered that question because he can sense energies with people and literally said “I can sense that her energy is good and that she really wants to help you with this and would be fully on board, that’s the type of girl she is.”  

One night I actually asked my Latina, although with much apprehension, if she were to even consider doing something like this.  She had a lot of fun putting me in a state of suspense and saying “oh I have to process this sir and I won’t know for a few days.”  She was pulling my chain and admitted that she was wanting to see if she could see if it was possible to have the upper hand with me on something.  She literally told me that she had an answer when I asked, and it was a firm yes, but with some caution because she did feel somewhat reserved about what was being asked of her.  I told her that I would be absolutely okay if she actually said no, and that a part of me preferred her to.  All she did from here was tell me that she’d do anything for me if it meant for me being able to cum with her and enjoy sex more with her.  

But that’s the thing…being able to cum with her would just be icing on an already delicious cake.  I guess you could say that I would enjoy sex with her more, but only cause I could finish and then pass out after blowing a bunch of cum out of my body.  Maybe I don’t want to pass out after…maybe I want to literally do a line of cocaine off her sweet little ass crack and go for more!

The day after I asked my Latina to do this little suggestion, I told her that I didn’t want to place my problems on her shoulders, and that this was my burden to deal with.  I didn’t want to risk diminishing what we have between us, and I was perfectly fine trying to figure out the solution by myself.  She was fine doing it and was open to talk more about it and help me figure out this dilemma of mine.

Later I asked Jonathan if it had to be the Latina that I would do this with.  He told me no, and that it just had to be another girl other than my wife.  This was awesome news cause I still have two other girls that would be potential candidates for such a rewiring of my sexual mind.  

Just an update on that…the two girls that I mentioned are fully game.  Both want to fuck me and just use me for sex, which I really didn’t have an issue with, but logistics and a very busy schedule prevented both from being regulars.  The good part is that both were extremely intrigued about the challenge of making me cum, especially when I told them about my issue.  It really caught their attention and they’re all hands on deck with the thought of claiming lordship over the lands of helping me cum.

And that’s just about it readers.  I hope you enjoyed reading a little into my life.  For any readers who may have had the same issue, or know of others that have had the same issue, all I know is according to my hypnotherapist Jonathan, that it is a very common thing.  

Lastly I just want to put out a shameless plug for my hypnotherapist who has helped me in quite a few rewirings of my mind.  Just follow the link Jonathan Hyde Hypnosis and check out what he can help with, as there is a long list of services he has.  

But wait….what’s this?

UPDATE:  As of February 13th…I BLEW MY LOAD!!!  That morning after doing a weigh in at my personal trainer friends gym and talking about cryptocurrency fun, I went over to my Latina’s place for the continuation of our LOTR marathon.  Snuggles led to clothes off and that led to her wanting my cock inside her.  Something was different though, my sensitivity was heightened with every stroke.  I took her hand, spit on her fingers and told her to touch herself to make her cum as I plowed into her.  Her facial expressions when she cums is blissful to my eyes, and the boil over of cum in me was imminent.  Thrusting deeper inside of her, I grabbed her neck and held her gaze into mine as I was just about to cum.  Her eyes LIT UP as she knew what was going on.  Massive pulses were triggering in my dick as I fire off ropes of my salty hot yogurt deep into her tight hungry pussy. 

After the last pulse, I could feel the pool of cum inside her with the head of my cock.

“Baby, did you cum?” she asked.  

And all I did was look at her grinning like Gandalf the White…and then of course I literally cheered out loud.  I pulled away from her body to see how much came out.  Her tightness pressed it out immediately.


Yeah, I felt just like that, a smiling wizard post orgasm.


“Holy shit that is a lot of cum!” she said as it dripped out onto her sheets.

I managed to get another load out that evening, sideways doggie while watching the Battle for Helms Deep.  


I haven’t written out my origin story just yet, but some important details for my readers before I go on to talk about this interesting story…been married for 11 years to a woman that I love to this day.  Won’t go extra cheesy on this but for the longest time until we started the open marriage scenario, she was the sole trio of holes that I put my cock into…well minus one hole since our 2nd born literally blew out her butthole, making anal almost dangerous with a girthy fellow like me.  Imagine a butthole with two tongues sticking out…yeah my poor wife, but hey, I advised the C-section for both kids!  Can’t say that she was never told!

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